Book Review: “What to Say When You Talk to Yourself” by Shad Helmstetter

The book “What to Say When You Talk to Yourself” by Shad Helmstetter is an old classic on the same topic as its name says. Finally bought the book and found it quite actionable. One can argue that some key messages keep getting repeated throughout the book, but the author mentions that this is intentional to make the key messages register by stimulating the reader’s neural activity and reprogram her thinking. This book can probably be finished in couple of sittings but more than that ruminating on the problems which a reader wants solved and then crafting the self-talk messaging for inner reprogramming will definitely take more time (likely a week, depending on how severe reader’s default programming is)

Some folks may say that certain techniques described in the book are not really backed by any hard scientific evidence. This is fair criticism, and in defense of the approach the author takes, I can say having almost insane self-belief rarely hurts in any circumstances (except maybe adventure sports!)

Key messages in this book can be summarized as below

1. As much as seventy-seven percent of everything we think is negative, counterproductive, and works against us
2. Your success or failure in anything, large or small, will depend on your programming—what you accept from others, and what you say when you talk to yourself
   1. The brain simply believes what you tell it most. And what you tell it about you, it will create. It has no choice.
   2. The human brain will do anything possible you tell it to do if you tell it often enough and strongly enough
3. Most of what seems to happen to you, happens because of you-something you created, directed, influenced, or allowed to happen
4. Five steps that control success or failure – behavior (what we do or don’t do), feelings, attitudes (perspectives from which you view life), beliefs and programming (conditioning)
   1. Belief does not require something to be true. It only requires us to believe that it’s true!
   2. Programming creates beliefs. Beliefs create attitudes. Attitudes create feelings. Feelings determine actions. Actions create results
5. Don’t pass along your negative self-talk to someone else. After all, that’s how you got it in the first place!
6. Your own Self-Talk to your own inner self is, and always will be, your surest form of inner defense and inner strength. There are multiple levels of self-talk – silent self-talk, self-speak, self-conversation and self-write
7. For any self-improvement concept to be successful, it has to be simple. It has to be easy to use. And when put into practice, it has to work!
   1. Once any kind of Self-Talk technique starts to work for you, the others almost automatically fall into place, waiting for you to give them a try.
   2. The workings of the human brain are completely indifferent to your situation in life. Conversely, this can be used as an advantage while battling a crisis! (emphasis mine)
8. There are two parts to good management. a. Effective management always begins with successful self-management. b. The second essential ingredient of being a good manager is knowing how to develop the qualities and skills of others
9. Self-Talk is a specific set of concisely worded directions-usually a group of a dozen or more combined phrases, linked together on the same subject, which jointly paint a detailed picture of the better you which you would like to become, or the change in your life you would like to create
10. Any habit once learned can be changed. The problem has been that in the past, changing them has been difficult because we were trying to change direction without first changing the old programming. With Self-Talk we accomplish both: we override the old while we are creating the new
11. You cannot solve a problem without reaching an objective (goal). If you want to change your life, be really specific in your goals and affirmations
12. Don’t waste the power of your mind giving in to the petty inconveniences of life (getting frustrated about Bangalore traffic!). Use that energy for something good!
13. An example of positive self-talk: Change the words “I wish I had more time,” to the words “I make time and I take time to do what I need to do.”
    1. Self-talk has to be in present tense, specific with clear details, gets the job done without any unwanted side-effects, easy to use and practical
    2. Make your Self-Talk an everyday, unconscious, self-directing habit. Talk to yourself in a way that is kind, loving, caring, strong, demanding, and determined. Talk to yourself in the right way, every day
14. Learn how to think what you think and you will begin to determine and redirect most of your future for yourself
15. The book ends in almost a verse which could be from any of the Upanishads

You are everything that is,

Your thoughts, your life, your dreams come true.

You are everything you choose to be.

You are as unlimited as the endless universe.

If you were to take one takeaway from this book – never talk negatively to your inner-self. The consequences spiral fast and do damage in both short and long-term. This book can be ordered from Amazon from here.